Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
