dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
