Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
