I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The chlamydia really affected his face.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
