I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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