all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
