I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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