Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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