So drunk its hurt
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
