Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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