Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
