This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
