This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
