He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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