I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Dignity is for republicans.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
