I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
