i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
