She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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