she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
