hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
