I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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