i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
