this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
