Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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