so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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