I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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