it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
