I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
