That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Randomize
