the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I AM VODKA MAN
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
