Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You may now shotgun with the bride
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
