So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
