ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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