just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm at about main and main street
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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