No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
