I heard we made out
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
