I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My cat gives me a boner
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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