I'm so fucking centered right now
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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