Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
