I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
