I got chris browned last night
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize