Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think my vagina is haunted
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
