The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
