Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
