I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You are a genius and a whore.
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