um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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