thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Randomize
