If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
