he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
