my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
