You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
