Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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