glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he shaved USA in his pubs
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
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