I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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