On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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