At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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