this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
