Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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