by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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