Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
