I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
