I think my vagina is haunted
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
