He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You took a bar mat shot.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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