I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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