If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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